Are There Gay Men In Hillsboro?

Then say hello already!

Love That Oregon Dept of Human Services

So what would you think of someone who told you the deadline was on the 10th, mailed you the paperwork on the 17th but put on it the paperwork was due on the 20th and you receive it on the 21st? This is exactly how Oregon's Department of Human Services deals with it's Food Stamps Clients.

If that isn't bad enough, they don't bother to tell me WHERE the form is supposed to go -- must it be taken in person to one of their branch offices where they except paperwork between the hours of 8:00 - 9:00 am Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday? Or do you have to send it to one of the lovely processing centers? Of course they expect their clients to GUESS!!!

And then my favorite, when you try to call the processing center, you sit on hold for 10 minutes only to be dumped in a voice mail. Past experience with that has resulted in being ignored, so one has to keep trying until one gets through. Which I did after 4 tries this go round -- not too bad.

I have to say that this time the employee who took my call was pretty helpful. At first, all she wanted to say was "we have 10 business days to process your application." I knew it wasn't even worth trying to argue about the fact that will make my food stamps late in August and after all, THEY are the one's who mailed the paperwork 7 days after it was due! Why would they care if I couldn't buy food because they fucked up?!?

But in their defense, the worker I called processed my application the same day. I don't know if she took pity on me or thought I deserved it since I was trying to be nice and polite on the phone while pointing out their slip up. She had a question though and left me a voice mail but of course she forgot (I belive intentionally since all employees in the processing center do this) to give me her extension. So guess who gets to play the game with voice mail again! Lucky me!

Well, get this, I have the boss' extension number, so I just called her and got really lucky! She actually picked up the phone!!! She must have thought it was Ed McMahon calling to tell her she has won the $10 billion prize or something...

While I don't have it in writing yet, and nothing really counts until it's in black and white, I got a message this morning that everything is okay. So I should be able to buy food as usual next month.

But I ask you, would you accept this kind of treatment without getting at least a little pissed off?!?!?

Dr Who's Big Bi Bye Kiss

I'm sure this entirely foreign to straight people, but there are a series of on-screen kisses that carry a great deal of meaning for LGBTQI people. Clearly one of the most famous was the much discussed Ellen kiss of 1997. Even though this wasn't the actual first lesbian kiss on American TV, it got lots and lots of publicity -- and of course it ranged from psychotic to ecstatic.

However good that one felt, it still didn't mean as much to me. And to be honest, no kiss has meant anything to me because I've yet to see two men kiss on TV outside of cable shows like Queer as Folk. I have heard rumors that Will kissed on Will & Grace, but this was not a show that resonated with me. I mean really, all every gay man needs in his life is a straight woman to be happy -- like I haven't heard that one before! I only watched the show a handful of times. Who knows, I may have missed a lot of other gay kisses since I stopped watching ad-based television.

Actually, it's interesting to look over the list of LGBTQ characters on Wikipedia. It seems like not that long ago, during the days of Dynasty, when we wondered if we would ever see people like us on TV. I can remember the tears of consternation when the gay character morphed into some "Bi
because America isn't ready for Gay yet" guy who only seemed to be with women.

But clearly the most important kiss is the one that speaks to me. Not only is it between two men, but it's pretty meaningless if it's on a show I don't watch, right? Well, today I was blown away by the most wonderful MAN-2-MAN LIP-2-LIP kiss on a show that I've been watching for almost 30 years! Can you believe it?!?



So, you might be wondering why this kiss was so meaningful to me. First and foremost, I've been watching Dr Who since the mid or late 70's. I've never really thought of myself as much of a SciFi buff, but I can remember back in El Paso in the mid 80s I'd never miss a show. Of course it's been quite a long time since I've seen it, so when they restarted it a couple of months ago on OPB, I was somewhat skeptical. Could it be as good as the old series was? Would it live up to my memories? Have I changed so much that I will no longer like the cheesy low-tech special effects?

As you might guess, I still love the show and since the advent of CGI, the special effects have progressed wonderfully. So while I've never been interested in the American scifi shows like StarTrek: The Anal Invasion or Battlestar Ballactica, I love Dr. Who. Who knows, maybe it's because it's British. Maybe it's because I'm weird. Maybe it's because it's one of the very few things I used to enjoy doing with my father -- he's actually the one who started watching the programme and I'd watch it too. Though I don't know that we ever did it together...

Anyway, I was pretty amazed when they introduced this new character Captain Jack Harkness a few episodes back because he'd make comments much like I do. Instead of saying something like "why don't we ever have a romantic, candle lit dinner?" to be dismissed by the female character only to have Jack reply, "I was asking him (the Doctor)."

And so I was sitting there thinking, "did they really just make a homoerotic reference? Nah, this is Dr Who!" But then it kept on happening. But still, until today, I thought it was just me.

Then when they were getting to the big, emotional farewell, right before the three main characters go off to almost certain death during war with the perrenial alien enemies, the Daleks, Jake says goodbye to Rose (female sidekick) and kisses her on the lips. I'm thinking to myself, "hey wouldn't it be neat if..." and before I know what's hit me BOOM, Jack's grabbed the Doctor below the ears and plants one firmly on the lips! ON THE LIPS!

Okay, okay. I see the problems with this. First and foremost, he's Bi. That's okay. I've dated Bi guys. I used to say I was Bi when I was confused. Sometimes I still wonder (well, not really, but I did as late as the mid 90s). Second, we don't actually see their lips touch and there certainly is no tongue (thank you very much), but no one complains when the big star throws a right hook and the other guy's nose doesn't errupt in blood. It's all make believe anyway! Third, and probably last, yes, this actually happened in the UK in 2005 and it was broadcast in Oregon a week ago, but I only got to the tape today.

Oh, and it does get one better. Captain Jack is played by the BiNational Gay actor John Barrowman (UK/US). He was born in Glasgow, Scotland and recently were partnered on Britian's Civil Register. It was a small ceremony that they don't refer to as a "marriage." Wow! That's all right. Finally a gay 'star' I can relate to! (Though I try hard to not care about 'fan culture' or 'entertainment news.')

So, even though the Doctor actually died, and I for one really liked Doctor Nine Christopher Eccleston, and that really made me sad, it was a fabulous show! Thank you BBC for doing what is right and thanks to OPB for not being fearful of rightwing backlash and running this show at 2am or with some crazy "some people with really narrow minds might bust a gasket if they watch this" warning message. We are part of society and we deserve the same treatment as everybody else. We love, we kiss, we say good-bye pretty much like you do.

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Doing a bit better

Even though it was hotter than hell in Hillsboro today, I think I'm finally getting much needed sleep. A good 12 hours on Monday and almost as much today. I would have probably gotten a bit more except someone came banging on a door -- I don't know if it was mine or the neighbors' since no one was at mine. But I know it wasn't a hallucination since Robin was barking loudly and quite upset.

Didn't do much -- couldn't do much -- due to the heat. Watered the garden and that was about it. Poor Robin is quite uncomfortable as well. During the day he was constantly changing position and getting up and plopping down again. As long as he doesn't look at me though when he pants, I don't have any but pity for him.

Well, not much else to say at this point. I'm actually tired enough that I want to go to bed fairly soon. It's pretty incredible, but I do go to bed about the same time every night if left to my own devices.

Oh, the one other thing I wanted to record was that I've been having a bit more trouble with dizziness, especially when working in the garden as of late. I believe it is also related to the lack of sleep. And actually, just about everything is affected by it one way or the other. So I've come up with a plan and will have to see if how it works out.

I don't think it will cool down much tonight, so tomorrow will be a rough day. Oh, my legs are in horrible shape from the itching -- I don't know why, but now whenever I get a mosquito bite it turns a horrible shade of black.

VCS Returns

It's clear that I will be unable to escape a return of Villa Crappy Syndrome (VCS). It is much as I feared and tried to warn people about -- construction, heat, noise, fireworks, airshow -- all take a very terrible toll on my health. It's clear no one wants to hear about it since they feel there is nothing they can do and heaven forbid my poor health should cause them any discomfort.

It's been made quite clear to me that it's horrible form to talk about one's own problems -- we are only allowed to brag about how we overcome them. And of course we must always brag about how much money we spend on the stuff that counters unhappiness. My job is listen indulgently and suffer miserably in silence always pretending that other's happiness more than makes up for my lack of any.

No more sleeping for 12 hours. No more waking up free of pain. Instead I fight for 4 - 6 hours of sleep a night though to get that I seem to have to spend at least 12 hours in bed. The pain has spread up my legs and I even woke up with it in my hands.

More problematic is the return to hallucinations and terrifying dreams. If I don't keep my mind well occupied, it screams along with conversations, stories, sounds, all sorts of non-existent stimuli. It reminds me a lot of when my family was here last year and we went out for dinner late. They would return me home past my bedtime after being at The Grand Lodge with the omnipresent loud music and I would try to go to sleep and could. I would see non-stop flashing lights, much like being at a disco, even though there is nothing other than tasteful dining lighting at The Grand Lodge.

I learned then that all the input does something to my brain -- most likely aggravated by at least one or more of the medications I take daily -- which basically causes a type of overload. It then continues to process for some time. I also learned that if I did something like watch a movie for a couple of hours, I could 'come down' and have a better chance to sleep.

It's now my belief that summertime provides a similar abundance of stimulation -- fireworks, running fans, screaming freaks, barking dogs, screeching children, coughing neighbors, etc. It's not as severe as going to Grand Lodge, but it is definately present.

Such feelings then tend to be followed by terrible sleep. It's quite hard for me to tell when I'm asleep and when I'm not and then I have these horribly vivid dreams which feel like I live an entire real though equally fictious life. I have to deal with people who do not exist but with whom I have a long history and there is a certain amount of persecution. I fear for my life constantly and feel like I scream in my sleep, but I have no real way to know for sure.

It's also apparent that sleeping with windows open not only reinforces a lack of privacy but also a sesne of vulnerability. Therefore I don't sleep as well. I basically wake up frequently until it's time to close up the place. For whatever reason that's just enough 'work' that it makes it almost impossible for me to return to sleep no matter what I do.

It's also now clear that I now have a cycle which I describe as "feeling almost human" that starts in about 8:00 and tapers off about 2:00. I've been aware of the nighttime cycle for some time, but have been able to basically avoid the morning cycle by rolling over, taking my meds, and going right back to sleep. Getting up and closing windows is too much to be able to accomplish such, especially with the accompanying neighborhood soundtrack.

This morning it took almost 5 hours before I finally returned to sleep. I then slept another couple hours -- that's after sleeping a couple hours prior to being woken up for meds.

So What the Hell Am I To Do?

I can call the fine folks at Washington County Health, go off and fill out another ream of paperwork, and then informed that I'm depressed and must take whatever medications they fancy. Of course they have NO EXPERIENCE with AIDS patients, but plenty with substance abuse and domestic violence. I will have to prove I don't have those problems and then I will be dumped in the "all others" category.

The best possible outcome I can hope for is that they inform my primary care physican of their treatment so she can 'fix' it later on and that I'm medicated into enough of stupor that I somehow make it through until the rains start again. Of course then I will have to battle to get off the medications at that point -- after all the environmental cause will abate -- but since I will be diagnosed as 'mentally ill' they wil fight that and they will also have the ability to declare me 'likely to cause harm to self or others' and then what rights will I have.

Is it clear that I don't have any trust in the public mental health system? This is based entirely on my own prior experiences and those of people I have known who are in much the same situation as I -- relying on Medicaid for healthcare.

I don't know if the HIV Clinic is currently offering any mental health care or not. They've had a very difficult time keeping services available even though it is quite clear that HIV patients often need different treatment than the public at large -- if for no other reason than to avoid drug interactions with the assortment of medications we already take. I could also try to get back into the naturopathic clinic I used to attend, but given the difficulty in traveling, how exactly is that going be any easier now than it was when I stopped going?

So why not just try and get through the summer -- you know, suffer in silence -- as I feel myself descending into madness. It might start to ease in as soon as 2 months. Then, if we have solid rain day in and day out, I might be back to my normal self by November. Then I'll have 4 months to enjoy before the gradual slide back into hell.

Can't I Just Get Inoperable Cancer, Please?

I don't know how long I can continue if something should happen to Robin. I feel like he's the only reason I'm going on at this point and I honestly don't believe I would act to save my life if I had a heart attack or some other such critical medical condition.

I find myself fantasizing about all the crazy way people die -- maybe I could find one of those roofing nails in the back and have it imbedded in my body by accident. If I slap a dirty bandage on it and allow it fester, what's the possibility of tetnus or septasemia? And with all the mosquitoes outside, maybe I can also contract West Nile or some other wonderful sickness.

When I get a cancer diagnosis, I am clear I don't want to seek any treatment. If it wasn't so iffy, I'd just dump my HIV meds down the toilet or try and find someone to give them to who actually wants to live and can't get medication.

I don't have a place in this world any longer and few will honestly miss me when I'm gone, so why prolong this? This summer has been worse than I had imagined and we still have weeks to go. I have no reason to believe that next summer will be much better.

I've only had a handful of blueberries so I guess I need to have something to eat. I really have very little appetite these days (also a sign of VCS). I'm also tired of writing at this point.

Wanted: Working VCRs & Walkman

A major catastrophe was averted today. My bedroom VCR stopped working a couple days ago so I figured I would have to just go out an buy a new one. But that isn't exactly possible.

We went to Bi-Mart first, they no longer carry VCRs. Next to Target -- they only sell VCR/DVD combo units. Figuring that I have already bought two DVD players this year, I can't see why I want yet another one. I also dislike more expensive combos because you often to have to replace both parts when one stops working. Seems stupid and more expensive to me.

So off to Best Buy, but they only carry VCR/DVD Recorders (at around $300 each). What a total waste of time and energy!

I even looked online and could only locate VCR/DVD combos or 'refurbished' VCRs from unknown companies. Clearly the rest of the world has moved on to TiVo type stuff, but I don't know anything about it. Will it allow me to record in the living room and watch in the bedroom? How much does this stuff cost? Why do I care when the old technology works fine most of the time and I can't afford to replace my VHS movies with DVDs?

Well, I did find a website that told me how I could probably 'fix' the VCR, so I took it apart (a TV/VCR combo itself) and I did my best to clean it. Finally, I did get it working again and it seems fine for now, but I don't know what I'll do when either of the VCRs really does die.

So, if you have an old, working VCR that you don't want any longer (or know someone who does) please let me know. It's an important part of my coping/survival strategy to be able to tape OPB programming at night and watch it at another time. I need to insure I will be able to do that in the future.

Relatedly, I'm working on a family history project which entails transcribing an oral history on cassette tape. I do have a walkman-style player which works, but it would be really, really helpful to have one with Review/Cue functionality. What this means is while on (play), I can press rewind and it scans back and starts playing again when play is released.

I've gone everywhere in Portland and have only found a table top player. I don't believe this will help much because I will lose the headphones, and the voice is not easy to understand -- the quality is also quite poor at times. A used table top unit might come in handy as backup, but a stereo style unit probably won't help.

If you have either of these and would like to dispose of them, please use this form to email me ASAP.

Modern Banking - How is this an improvement?

Back in the old days -- the mid 80's -- when I worked in a Texas savings and loan as a teller, we were expected to handle 90% of customer transactions. Come to the window and the teller should be able to do whatever you need short of issue a credit card or mortgage loan. Of course if we couldn't help, we were reponsible for getting them right to the person who could.

I have not received a statement from Bank of America since September 2006. In January (or maybe late December) I called their Toll Free Customer Support number and was told "everything is okay." There was no reason they could see why mail wouldn't get to me. The even said they would mail out copies of the statements I hadn't recieved.

Now in July I've yet to get anything other than a replacement Debit card from the bank. I have to submit a copy of the statement with my Oregon Health Plan application, so I bit the bullet and decided to go and try to get the problem fixed.

After an hour in the bank, I had a piece of paper which may or may not be acceptable to the state, but that's another issue. Of course the branch was very busy and the wait was so long that Bank of America threw away at least 10 clients before me (these were names on the list that didn't respond when they were called), so the wait really wasn't that bad though the waiting area is so tiny it can hardly hold people.

The rest of the 45 minutes was spent 'solving' the problem. For some reason the bank decided suddenly it didn't have a street address any longer and rather communicate with me, it just stopped communicating. I supplied the information, but of course they fill out a piece of paper which will be picked up on Monday and go who knows where to be put in the system -- so there is no way to know that the problem is fixed. This took about 10 minutes.

The next issue was providing a current balance something official looking. In prior dealings with Oregon's Deptartment of Human Services they have refused to accept "Internet printouts", but this is the only thing the bank could offer.

So we then had to go through the pain of setting up online banking, but since I used to used their online banking system before they changed it 3 or so years ago, we had to recover that old log in information. Do bank employees have a quick way to do this? No, they have to used the same phone center support and wait on hold like the rest of us.

We did get through it all, but I have to wonder how on earth this type of solution is more efficient than the old fashioned person-to-person support we used to offer at the bank. At best, the bank took three to four times as long to fix the problem. That has to cost more. We set up an online account which I will probably never used again.

And conservatives want government to be run like business? Well, then imagine spending all afternoon at the DMV updating your address everytime you move.

Cracker Day (fka Independence Day)

As I look around me, it is clear that Independence Day is no longer 4 July for the majority of Hillsboro's residents. No clearly, Independence Day is 16 September and even 5 May seem to be more important holidays than the 4th. But by some strange historical aberration, Oregonians aren't allowed to purchase fireworks to celebrate those holidays.

It is also quite clear that the only special interest group that benefits significantly from the holiday are the retailers of firecrackers, both legal, illegal, and notorious. Yes, this one day accounts for the vast majority of sales of such small explosive devices as Valentines accounts supports the florist and candy industries, and Christmas keeps retailers afloat for the next 9 months.

So it's time to forgo the other ancient traditions of celebrating the signing of the Declaration of Independence with parades, picnics, and baseball games much like celebrating the Winter Solstice or birth of the Christian Messiah in December or springtime fertility rights that gave rise to Easter have fallen from favor. After all, we completely ignore John Adams call to that the day "be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more."

How can people be expected to make patriotic displays when they feel as much if not more loyalty to another nation and view this one as a place to go to find work? Granted, it's not easy for them and they have little other choice, but if they aren't interested in our culture, why would they be interested in our most important political holiday?

Because it's only one of two times a year when they can legally buy and shoot off a small range of firecrackers. But clearly the large number of legal explosions provides perfect cover for the larger, more dangerous, and clearly more lucrative illicit firecracker trade. The police are too busy looking for drunks on the road to chase down even the loudest explosions.

Since it seems the ancient meaning of the day is morphing, maybe we can remember the dying majority that made this country what it is today with a new holiday -- Cracker Day!

As their sacred cows fall one by one: racial purity, publicly mandated Protestant observance, dispute resolution by violence, the sexual exploitation of children, senseless abuse of any weaker creature, and soon marriage for one man and one woman at one time, it looks like they will soon be memory moving to legend and eventually myth. What better symbol to remember all they stand for than the firecracker?

People can continue to march and gather for picnics and fondly remember the good ole days as they purchase firecrackers. The following generations will right the myths they will tell their grandchildren about the people that made this country for them. It's time someone did something to remember all those who made do with so little so that others could have so much that they don't know what to do with it.

Join the cry "Crackers for Crackers" and blow things up. What better way to remember?

XianJiro's Whine & Cheese Blog???

Well construction smashed, crashed, banged, and scraped ahead all weekend long and the roof looks better. It's about as light as asphalt shingles can get so my hope is that it might keep us a bit cooler this summer. Even 5F lower inside the apartment would make a world of difference when we get close to 100F outside.

I'm still pretty run down and Robin's quickly losing it. He's clearly so worked up that he's taking it out on his body with non-stop chewing and scratching. While he might have gotten into something yesterday in the forest, it seems surprisingly excessive. I think he's just stressed out.

I got conflicting information about tomorrow. The workers still have to put the gutters up and the in-charge guy seemed to think it would take 2-3 hours. He told me on Saturday, "the gutters will be done Monday or Tuesday at the latest" but it is clear they want to finish sooner but neighbors were saying both "tomorrow" and "some time Tuesday or later." Then one started talking about painting… While the owner had mentioned painting last year, nothing has been said to me recently so I really do hope that the gutters will go up and that will be the end of this year's construction.

Hopefully it will then quiet down so that I can get some sleep. Sleeping when it hits 90F works for me.

Whine & Cheese Blog

As I have been fixing the broken links on my website, I've toyed with renaming the blog since I have to resubmit it to indexes and the like. But I don't think I'll do it. Since I've had a blog, I've used the name "Kore wa XianJiro no Blog Desu" (Japanese for "This is XianJiro's Blog." I truly love being original.) Seems good enough to me.

Additionally, the latest version of Blogger allows me to attach labels to entries. In time, that will allow me to classify posts and readers will be able to 'sort' the posts so they can focus on the posts that interest them. With that functionality, I'm inclined to reintegrate View - Read - Listen which I've never been able to get that excited about anyway. My intention is, rather than catalogue everything I watch, read, or listen to as I did on Jablog, I will just focus on writing about those things I really want to write about. I will then be able to provide Amazon.com purchase links to those items and maybe get some Amazon purchase credits to buy stuff. I don't know if I'll ever be posting enough that I will really need more than a single blog. Also, it will be simpler and easier to deal with, especially when it comes to hosting the thing.

Still wondering about "Whine & Cheese," huh? Well, I've always used my blog as a way to let of steam. Clearly some readers, especially those who don't know me or my situation, view it as whining. And yes, there is a bit of that. But as I've tried to get across to folks, I've gone from what I thought was a full, interesting, fun, and fulfilling life to something that no longer makes the pain, suffering and annoyance worthwhile. I still believe that there is some value in chronicling what it's like to be disabled without Disability, to live in poverty while not feeling particularly poor, to be alone without feeling lonely, and to be so busy doing nothing important that I'm never bored.

Yes, my life is a paradox and finding happiness is enigmatic. I continue to feel adrift since I have nothing to live for other than to just see another day. This, as I have stated, doesn't quite make up for all the stuff I hate about my life and have little power to change. I also realize that my situation is truly meaningless in the bigger picture, but if I can somehow communicate to folks what it feels like maybe it will help to change what we think of as our Social Safety Net.

Food

The one bright spot in my otherwise dull existence has been my decision to change what I eat. I've grown weary and suspicious of most of the food to be had at the supermarket. Think about it -- if you have ever baked cookies, you know they are basically flour, sugar, butter, and then you add whatever to give it flavor or change the texture. It's very simple. So why does the list of ingredients of store-bought cookies read like a chemical soup with double the number of items and including many which we have no idea what they are let alone can we pronounce them? Simply -- to lower the cost or increase shelf life. But do they taste any better?

So like elsewhere in my life, I've worked to simply my food. Instead of relying on canned soup, I try to make my own. Same goes with bread and muffins. And yes, it means paying more, but I think it's worth it when the food tastes better. Turkey is a good example. I buy deli meat now that has no additives and it tastes exactly like the turkey I bake in the winter. I still find I need to rely on canned goods so now I try to select ones without additives, especially all that unneeded salt.

I continue to allow myself a couple items which don't measure up to the new standard: I love Chocolate Oreos (and eat more than I should). My absolute favorite ice cream is Tillamook Mudslide and though I hate the long list of ingredients, I figure one or two (not-quite-a-)quart containers a month isn't going to ruin me and in fact provides a bit of happiness. I also still get store brand soda, but mostly I drink tea or water. Last, I buy a bag of candy for a month.

But the biggest change has been in two of my most beloved foods: chocolate and cheese. I now only buy 'gourmet' or organic chocolate bars. I usually get a couple each month. I used to really love dark chocolate, but have found that bitter and sour foods are much harder to take now. So I enjoy milk chocolates and my favorites have nuts.

Cheese on the other hand has been a huge change. While always claiming to 'love' cheese, I've never really ventured much further a field than Tillamook's better versions of the usual store cheeses found in American grocery stores. I never worried much about what I got since it all pretty much tastes the same, but any cheese turns a dull sandwich into something yummy.

Huntsman Revolution

Then I realized that I could get something called Huntsman -- an imported English cheese which combines Double Gloucester and Stilton. Wow, it was like waking from a lifelong nightmare! I started combing the shelves of the local markets trying anything that looked interesting but not too scary. I mean, I don't want anything smelly, right? I'm an American (genetically) and that fancy, stinky, foreign stuff will make me sick, won't it? What bull shit!!!

Then during lunch last October, a waiter mentioned that an upscale market in Portland carried something like 400 different cheeses. Since they don't have a store out here in Hellsboro quite yet, I started visiting the local New Seasons Cheese Department. I've gotten to know a guy who works there (THAT should tell you something right there) and I think he might even be stocking stuff I ask for. It's almost like an old-fashioned grocer-customer relationship…

I've now got a list of 65 cheeses from all over the world which I have tried. Don't misunderstand me, I don't take a free sample at New Seasons and then put it on my list. While I do take samples, it's mostly because they almost always have something to sample or to assure myself that I won't throw the cheese away after I get it home. Instead I prefer to bring it home and live with it for a while. Most cheeses change over time. Only a couple have been truly disappointing and a few have taken a few times to get used to the new flavors or textures. However, most I really enjoy and savor -- even the stinky stuff!

So now the nightly ritual is to make a cheese plate either instead of a meal or as a bedtime snack. Sometimes it's as simple as a couple crackers with a couple small pieces of cheese. Other nights I will have a huge mixture, but I rarely eat more than a few ounces at a time. It's kind of like those wine-geeks who spend all night tasting a bunch of different wines but never seem to drink a whole glass of anything.

Back to Whine & Cheese

So last night I thought I should write about a different cheese each week on the blog. Again, it would give me something to write about regularly and who knows, maybe folks will be interested to try something different from a local store. (After all, you can get books and visit websites that talk about hundreds or thousands of cheeses that rarely, if ever, make it to Oregon.) It would allow me to share with others something that has become quite important and enjoyable and maybe, just maybe, I might even make a new friend who shares this interest. [Yet that feels like asking for a miracle.]

But while we can buy exotic buffalo milk cheese from Sicily with our humble food stamps, wine and alcohol are strictly verboten. Rather than yet another Wine and Cheese Blog, I could set my blog apart by adding cheese reviews to my incessant whining. I still could use a bit of hard education though since I don't really know what they mean when they use those crazy descriptors - see cheese aficionados do basically the same thing as wine geeks, something like, "soft-white crust with a runny interior with a smoky-bacon flavor" even though the cheese isn't crusty, runny and certainly doesn't taste like bacon. Or how about "distinctive cheese with a mild, zingy, citrus taste with a delicate, goaty finish" - and they do mean goaty! My brother and I agree, trying to describe wine, and cheese, like that makes us want to say "oh what a lovely bouquet, just like a damp horse blanket allowed to ripen for three days under a pile of puppy-pee soaked newspapers with a hint of moldy lemon and mouse turd and a wonderful finish of toasted oak bark and squid anus."

I've been watching a program on PBS/OPB called "Uncorked" and I've actually learned a bit about wine. It's not that certain white wines are like drinking butter, but they have a quality that has reminded someone of butter and so it's become a term that people can learn, understand, and then use to communicate with each other. Clearly, it's nothing more than jargon and I feel I would benefit from learning some similar cheese jargon.

Then again, maybe not. I think I'd rather talk about cheese so that everyday folks can understand. I've never been much of a joiner and I can't imagine I'll be welcome at the Pumpkin Ridge Cheese Tasting Society given my lack of financial standing. Instead, I'd love to help others adventure forth and try the wonderful cheeses that do make the journey to Hillsboro and Portland. I do see how timid and overwhelmed most shoppers are as they approach the case at New Seasons. They do get lots of help from the employees, but I know I do better when I make a list of 10 things and track down 5 I'd like to try. That works better for me than asking "so which of these cheeses is good?"

Coming soon…