Padilla Case -- Signaling End of Our Rights?

Was this information purposefully released on Saturday so that it would have greater likelihood of going unnoticed? Either way, the ruling of a three-judge panel of the 4th US Circuit Court of Appeals in Richmond, Virginia on the Bush Administrations declaration that US citizen Jose Padilla is an enemy combatant and can be held until the end of the "War on Terror" signals two things: First, the Bush Administration will not be content until it can throw any American in prison and hold them without charge indefinitely. There's not much more to it than that. Second, the "opinion was written by Judge Michael Luttig, considered to be on Bush's shortlist of candidates to replace O'Connor." (as reported on Bloomberg.com) That also seems pretty self-explanatory.

I keep having flashbacks to Sept 11, 2001 when, after watching the World Trade Center towers collapse, I stood in the middle of my living room in tears. The tears at that time were not for those killed by the terrorist attack but for the pending death of American Freedom under the hands of our current government. I feared and continue to fear the terrorists so much less than our own government. And now what more confirmation do I need?

I know the apologists will say "average Americans have nothing to fear since they do not pose a threat to our way of life." Am I an average American? Are you?

While to date I have done nothing other than exercise my opposition to this government at the ballot and through my words, will a day come when this alone will lead to imprisonment? Well probably not since it will be difficult to throw 50% of the populace in jail, but what next -- no use of communication technology? house arrest? termination of government benefits?

At present it's doubtful the Bush Administration is working to expand this 'power' beyond those who have very actively engaged in terrorist activities (I don't feel well enough informed to use language much stronger than that just yet) but the problem may not truly come under this administration. But the precedents have been set, the doors opened, to further abuses. Imagine what the Nixon Administration would have done if it could call an American citizen an "enemy combatant" and throw them away until the end of the Cold War?

Worse yet, now we have to rely on the leadership of the impotent Democratic Party to protect us from the addition of people who think this is a good thing to the Supreme Court (and the rest of the Judicial System).

I have so little hope for the next 20 or maybe even 50 years. I find it difficult to feel any more anger or disgust at this point as I'm full - there is no more room for such emotions, any emotions. This month has been so full of pain and torment at the hands of our pathetically incompetent government - a government set on destroying everything in this country that means anything to me.

Democrats Losing Big In Japan Too

While the big story is the guy who seemed a sleepy, do nothing, care-taking prime minister until a real power politician could emerge to continue to run Japan, Inc has handily retained power, the more invisible story is the Democrats fell from 175 lower house seats in the last parliment to only 113 in the next.

What is about Democrats these days? They seem to be losing their seats no matter what country they are in?

"We did not expect this," said Katsuya Okada, who resigned early Monday as leader of the Democrats. "I don't think our policies were wrong, but we must reconsider our tactics."

Hmmm. Seems to be almost the same thing we heard during the last election.

The opposition's meltdown was all the more stunning because it came despite a high voter turnout, which usually plays in its favor.

"They had their shot and they blew it," said Gerald Curtis, a Japanese politics expert at Columbia University. "The LDP was and still is ready to be overthrown - the problem is it's been overthrown by its own president rather than the opposition."

So does this mean that we have to hope for change to come within the Republican party?

Anyone Got Dubya's Private Number?

I see that yet another hurricane looks to be heading for North Carolina. After all, it doesn't look like anyone in the adminstration is bothering him with such unimportant-type information so maybe someone who cares needs to give him a clue.

It's called Ophelia. So far it doesn't look like much and the local governor is telling the tourists to hit the road. But then again, this might hurt another of the Bush Administration's Most Precious Industries - tobacco! I can see it now - packs of cigarrettes going to $10 a piece as the whole harvest is washed away downriver.

The time is NOW to prepare for the storm! Our fearful leaders need to put together a plan so that when the storm hits people will immediately be on the ground to assess the damage and figure out what help is needed. Oh yeah, then the important part, get folks moving within 12 hours of the storms passing and figure out a way to let the affected people know that help is on the way so they don't start panicking.

Seems pretty simple to me, but the real question seems to be: is our government up to the task?

Intimate Partner Violence Costs

While this hasn't yet appeared on the Oregon DHS website, I saw this on their email list and it not only made me think about the two neighbors who fight so cruely but also about how studies like this always seem to ignore gay male couples. Sure, lesbians continue to be included as they are women but no one seems to pay any attention to men and those that are suppossed to help the abused only work from the assumption that "men are only and always abusers and women are the only to ever suffer."

Is there a single domestic violence shelter which can handle a gay male victim of abuse?

ODHS News Release 9/7/05, intimate partner violence costs
A report released today by the Oregon Department of Human Services (DHS) finds that intimate partner violence costs Oregonians nearly $55 million every year, with more than two-thirds of those dollars spent on health care services.

"The human face of this problem is seen every day by the healthcare system, police, courts and shelters," said Mel Kohn, M.D., state epidemiologist. "It takes a staggering economic toll that we all pay. Calculating the financial cost makes this problem even harder to ignore -- whether you're a legislator, government official or taxpayer.

"These data make a strong case for investing in programs that prevent this violence from occurring in the first place and for minimizing the long-term effects after it happens," Kohn said.

Major report findings:
-- Nearly $35 million is spent in Oregon every year to pay for medical and mental health care services brought about by intimate partner rape and physical assault.
-- Other costs include more than $9 million annually in lost productivity for victims of nonfatal intimate partner violence and approximately $11 million in lost lifetime earnings to women who are killed by their intimate partners.

DHS public health researchers worked with health economists at the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to compile the economic estimates, according to Kohn.

"The medical care costs, whether billed through private or public health insurance, are paid for by all Oregonians," Kohn said. "These findings are just the tip of the iceberg because they don't take into account the costs we all pay for law enforcement, criminal justice or social service expenses."

The estimates are conservative, Kohn said, because they are based on 2001 dollars and do not include costs associated with violence against men or against women younger than 20 or older than 55. They also do not account for all the services that victims might need.

The full report, titled "Cost of Intimate Partner Violence Against Oregon Women Age 20 to 55," is available on the Web at http://egov.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ipv/

The data upon which these costs were calculated were the basis of a 2004 DHS report, "Intimate Partner Violence in Oregon." That study, focused on women between the ages of 20 and 55, found intimate partner violence to be a problem across all social, economic, religious and cultural groups. It is also on the Web at www.oregon.gov/DHS/ph/ipv/survey.shtml

Tearful Thursday

Well since the last entry I've tried to not pay much attention to New Orleans though I must admit to sneaking a couple peaks at online news reports and I even watched The News Hour a couple nights as well. I'm thankful to see that things are finally starting to happen there though one thing in particular has been bothering me a great deal: forced evacuations.

It's not so much the concept of the forced evacuations that troubles me, it's the animals being left behind. On The News Hour, they reported on a woman who had "stayed behind" to care for various animals (though I wasn't clear if it was an apartment or co-housing or what). The folks worked on her until she agreed to leave.

Of course they showed pictures of two dogs but nothing was finally said about what happened to them. This leads me to believe that the dogs were abandoned and maybe they were afraid if they discussed that it would move the focus of the story away from the human evacuations to the plight of pets left to fend for themselves.

I can't imagine how I would deal with that situation if I found myself in it. Actually, I guess I don't have much doubt in my mind what I'd be forced to do. I mean, how on earth could I just walk away from the one creature who is always here for me?


Airshow Trials Begin

It was really hard for me today to deal with my dear Robin. I was tired and in lots of pain from this morning's trip to Portland (and poor sleep the last two nights) but what could I do? As these high-powered jets screamed overhead the windows rattle, I can't even hear the TV even though it's less than 6 feet away, and I've got these big brown eyes starring up at me asking, "what the hell is going on in the world today?"

Seriously, this is a dog that hates the bathroom because of his innate fear of baths -- he doesn't even like watching me take them. Yet today he is trying to get between my legs and the bathtub (easily less than a foot of space) while I'm busy figuratively seeing my own man about a dog. While putting together some food, he's no more than a foot away the entire time as if hiding in my shadow.

Back in the living room he's climbing over the stuff (books, craft supplies, newspapers) I have piled around the little table next to my recliner trying to figure out how he is going to hide under said table since it's absolutely the only 'cover' near me. No matter how much I'm suffering today, all I can try to do is comfort this poor creature with petting, scratching, and soft reassurance.


How Did I Make It To Portland Today?

If I would have known that this might have been going on this morning, I'm not sure I could have left. I'm suspicious that it didn't really start until just after I returned home since he didn't really seem agitated when I got back. He was only his usual, glad, welcoming self as I struggled to drop my backpack and change into shorts and a t-shirt.

The trip to town went about as well as could be expected. I had to leave the apartment at 7:40 am to make a 9:30 appointment downtown. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? Well, those are the schedules I get from TriMet's Trip Planner nowadays. They no longer list direct, train only itineraries but since I can't seem to walk more than to blocks without the onset of severe leg pain, I guess this is better.

See, it's just a tad over 2 blocks from my apartment to the nearest transit stop. I then board the Line 57 -- TV Hwy/Forest Grove to Beaverton where I transfer to a Line 58 -- Canyon Rd (before Westside Max was built this used to be a single line, but "improvement" in Washington County means "transfer and layover"). And believe it or not, this doesn't really add that much time to the total commute but cuts the walking by half and right now that's critical.

The people only got on my nerves slightly today. I guess I missed the announcement that explained "the guy with the cane always goes last, feel free to cut him off." Same thing with this stupid young woman yakking on her cell phone as the bus tried to merge onto the Sunset Highway -- no every-other-car-alternation deal for her! She had to ride the bumper of the car in front so that bus wouldn't get in front of her -- you know, during morning rush hour traffic where everyone is driving the same slow speed anyway and the bus exited the freeway before her as well. Buchiach!


It's All About the Drugs

Once downtown it was a couple blocks to my primary care provider's office to pick up a prescription before walking back to wait for another bus to take me four more blocks where I then walk another two blocks to the office of my naturopath and psych nurse practitioner. Even in the morning, I hate walking around Burnside and the Transit Mall because most of the commuters are already gone and the folks left just don't make me feel comfortable. Still, no one approached me for any reason (including but not limited to independent contractor's selling various homemade treatments for life).

The visit went okay though I was pretty worn down by the time I got there so when the naturopath's nurse greeted me and asked me something stupid like "how are you doing today?" I wasn't even able to put together an answer. By the time Kipp (naturopath) made it into the exam room I unloaded my frustrations about not having an appropriate sleep medication and how this is really causing a huge increase in pain.

As always he promised to help make sure that this problem gets remedied even though it's a colleague's responsibility. But more than anything, he seems to have filled the small gap left by my decision to stop traveling even further still for therapy (and the therapist's coincidental decision to leave his practice). Clearly, I was upset that it's been so many months since we've talked about getting me onto a new sleep aide (but not actually received it). So I was able to get the emotional frustration out of my system with someone who can have a positive effect on the outcome without needing to be confrontational with a provider who is really compassionate but obviously so overburdened with work that if it doesn't happen during our brief 20 minute interview, it doesn't seem to happen.


Sleep On, Sleep Off

So by the time I finished with Kipp, I knew that I needed to tell the psych nurse that the current med temazepam just isn't working. While I never sleep well the night before I have to go into Portland, last night was even worse than usual. Before bed I debated if I should even take the temazepam since it doesn't really seem to help. However, since I knew I needed to leave the house by 7:40am this morning and since my summer sleeping schedule has been best after midnight and before noon, I needed to get to bed earlier.

That's actually why I started taking the temazepam on Monday night. Each night I tried to get to bed two hours earlier so in theory I should still get enough sleep to be able to handle the trip to Portland. But about three hours after falling asleep last night, I started to wake and by midnight I was so wide awake that I ended up watching the Godfather all the way through before I was able to return to sleep again.

And this is half of my problem with temazepam -- it seems to work for about four hours and then it's pretty useless. And unlike night's without the medication, when I wake after four hours I feel shot of espresso awake and last night that just seemed to increase my aggravation with that drug. But then some 4 -- 12 hours after that, I feel so very slow that I can barely function. I guess this is what they mean when they talk about the drug's 'hangover' and that's the rest of my problem with the drug.

So all told, I got no more than 5 hours of sleep last night broke up into 3 -- 5 separate pieces. The night before was pretty much the same thing though the awake period was much shorter, I slept more hours though the second part of the night I woke every half hour or so, and I spent the rest of the day trying to shake off the 'hangover.'


About Damn Time For a Change

So everyone agrees that it's time for me to try Ambien -- everyone, that is, but the Oregon Health Plan. Now they haven't said I can't take it, my provider just needs to complete the paperwork first. And that seems to be where the problem starts and ends. I knew something was up at the clinic and Kipp confirmed that they lost providers though their caseload is anything but shrinking.

And so once again I find myself completely and totally at the mercy of the healthcare system for the poor -- underfunded, overburdened, and a real mess. I find myself feeling guilty because I'm waiting patiently for over three months. Don't get me wrong, I take every chance I get to ask about the status of the new med and remind folks how important this is to me and no one seems to disagree. But still, it hasn't happened yet.

It is clear to me that this system teaches -- no -- forces the client to become aggressive, adversarial, and demanding. Simply put, it's the only way you get what you need. There are so many crises day to day that if we don't make our own needs into a crisis of foremost importance, then it gets buried under all the other problems of the day.

But I hardly want to get nasty with the couple of people in "the system" who honestly care about what happens to me. After all, I'm sure the psych nurse's facial expressions were not only because I'm doing so poorly physically when I should be doing really well but because she knew she played a part in that. I really believe she got how critical this change is, but she's also gone on vacation day after tomorrow and there is no way in hell that the paperwork will get between the her, the insurance bureaucrat, and pharmacy the necessary times before then.

And so I know I'm going to be waiting still more weeks for my new medication. This is America's wonderful health care system at work and no matter what I do, I can do NOTHING to get what I need any faster. So instead of feeling better I find myself again wondering why the hell do I even bother trying to stay alive.


Paint Me A Picture

Still, somewhere deep inside me I wanted something happy to come out of today so in figuring out how I would return home I decided to make a brief detour to Powell's to look at coloring books. I've been struggling with all my art recently and certainly my drawing and painting are like a rocket without fuel. I just can't seem to get a picture started, let alone do what I really want which is to play with color.

I've tried drawing things around me and I just can't seem to get anywhere. Forgot trying to draw something from my imagination -- that's a place of stories and concepts, not images. Luckily they had a pretty good selection of 'generic' coloring books -- flowers, birds, native Americans, lighthouses, and the like as opposed to Harry Potter, Dora, Barbie, and whatever the latest Disney fad might be today. The one thing they didn't have were what I'd describe as natural scenes (aka landscapes).

Best of all, the were really cheap, so I was able to buy 4 -- how's this for a starter kit -- garden flowers, American wild flowers, floral bouquets, and Life in Old Japan. I know, the last one was really out of place, but it was only a buck so I couldn't say no. I just wish it had some garden pictures.

They had a couple on Mexican and Southwestern designs and motifs that interested me, but I felt like there were way too many lines and not quite enough space to color. But still, this got me back on the idea of even getting some more clip art books from the library (since these color books are all published by the same firm -- Dover Publications).


Always Early; Round About Ways

Though I tried to time it well, I still had to stand out on Burnside for a horrible ten minutes waiting for the bus to take me back to hell -- I mean -- Beaverton. The sun was just a bit too warm and the street noise was just way over my tolerance level so it was really stressful. I walked back and forth trying to find a place in the shade where I could sit but still see the bus approach with no luck.

I got off at the Sunset Transit Center and just barely caught the Blue Line train. I say barely because this slow woman just had to get off the bus before me and walk in my way almost the whole way to the train. For a minute I thought I would have to push her out of my way -- I mean, she was even walking slower than I with my cane and dragging as I was. Luckily the elevator was waiting at the top floor and more importantly, as the doors opened, and even though the driver of the train had already closed his doors, he gave me time to press the button and get on board the train to Hillsboro.

The one thing I did differently though today is I passed my usual stop at Tuality Hospital and got off at the Hillsboro Transit Center where I caught the next bus headed east. It dropped me at the stop where I picked up the 57 almost five hours earlier and I only had a bit over two blocks to get back home. This system actually worked pretty well, but that's only because I didn't have to stand around waiting 15 minutes for the train then another 15 for the bus. I wish I could have more trips on TriMet like that!


Duck! And Cover.

Usually I'm just so glad to be home again that I'm almost beside myself but today that's when it really went downhill fast -- Mach 1? Mach 2? Who knows. Who cares! Yes, that's entirely right, I don't give a rat's furry ass about the goddamn Hillsboro Airshow! Am I alone or am I just made to feel that way (yet again) in this community where I don't seem to belong?

I don't think I was in the door ten minutes before the planes started blazing overhead. The first couple of times I thought, "gee, this isn't going to be so bad!" I guess that was just the WWI biplane or something simple. Then all hell broke loose and I was fighting my flight response. All I wanted to do was get far away from here -- you know, the way sane people wanted to get out of London during the Blitz. Where's the train to take Robin and I out into the country where we too can be safe?

And while I realize this isn't really ordnance flying overhead, I know that there are accidents at these airshows and these planes crash. Personally, it might have made sense to have this stupid thing out here 30 years ago when most of the area around the Hillsboro Airport was farmland, but I feel like these people are putting thousands of lives at risk needlessly as they fly over homes, schools, grocery stores, factories, and the rest of the city.

Beyond that, I have to wonder how this passes Oregon's Environmental Quality tests in terms of shear noise pollution. Jets landing at Hillsboro Airport sound like toys compared to these freakish machines! I stopped in next door to talk to my neighbor and he said he forgot to warn me about this. While he isn't quite as opposed to the Hillsboro Airshow (and crazy patriotfest scheduled for, can you believe it September 11th!?!) as I am, it's nice to know that I'm not completely alone.


Come Out, Come Out

And so, to my neighbors I say, it's time to stand up, be proud, and admit, "I HATE THE HILLSBORO AIRSHOW!" It's a disruption and a risk to our lives and property. It's mostly cheap entertainment for people who don't have to live with the noise for four days. They claim that it's a 'benefit' for community organizations though in the advertising and on their website all I see are who their sponsors are. No, this is just another way for a few people to make money and while people who buy tickets do so voluntarily, those of us who live here pay the real price.

If they are going to continue this waste of time and generator of noise pollution, then I think those affected by it should be compensated for our pain and suffering. I'm going to have to suffer through four fucking days of jets buzzing my house and I won't even be able to hear my TV! If nothing else, I think they should be required to relocate those of us who don't want to be here during this time so that we can get on with our own lives.


Flashbacks? Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?

And no, I'm not joking about this because, and I still don't really understand why, after what seemed like hours of supersonic jets removing shingles form the roof I could not keep from crying. I know part of the explanation is I'm tired and worn out after the trip to Portland, but it's more than that.

Part is that feeling of being trapped all over at Villa Crappy and not being able to do anything about it. I can't leave, I can't block out the noise, I can't even know when it is going to come. It's kind of like playing dodgeball while wearing a blindfold -- you never really know when the ball is being thrown so you are always half prepared hoping you might duck in time.

I don't know. I don't know. I just want this weekend to be over and done with. I'm very tired and need to sleep for a very, very long time.

Devastation

I've been hiding under a rock the last few days since I'm still trying to feel better. However, clearly what I'm going through is of little importance compared to the grief of the Gulf Coast. Never in my life have I been so amazed and disgusted by events. I swear that if you showed anyone in the world the reports with no reference to the location, one would never NEVER believe this was happening outside of the Third World.

This is the result of one thing -- the current political state of this country. We've made our choices and our priorities are providing results. Hurricanes are nothing new and until this week, Gulf Coast Natives would have never doubted their ability to weather just about any storm. Clearly, this storm was a bit worse than others but it was not that much worse and from what I'm seeing, this is not even one of the worst storms in the country's history though it has quickly grown into one of the country's worst natural disaster.

We cannot simply blame it on nature because we have created the environment, especially the social environment, which has allowed this to happen. Now, while the people on the ground try to rebuild their lives, while they try to hope for a future worth living, the rest of us are going to have to figure out exactly why we, the richest nation in the world, allowed this to happen in the year 2005.

Yes, the aid orgy has begun and we will be moved and amazed by the outpouring of sympathy and assistance from near and far. Soon, the stories of heroism and faith will start in an attempt to pull us back from the overwhelming barrage of stories on looting, dead bodies left to rot, starving orphans and aid being tossed out of helicopters while gangs of young men fight for what little has come five days late while the poor, young, disabled, old, and pregnant continue to do without.

Why were the weakest left in the line of fire in the first place? Because it's every man for himself now in America. Those with a car and enough money to get somewhere else aren't staring death in the face this very moment. But soon, even the middle class that escaped will quickly run out of whatever little means they have and the pain will spread. Just wait and watch.

Americans cannot say they haven't signed up for this. This is exactly what happens when you gut domestic spending to wage war half a world away and give tax breaks to the rich. We are getting exactly what we deserve because this did not have to happen -- we could have and should have been better prepared because we know that disasters like this are going to continue to happen. We chose to gut spending for natural disasters and send the money elsewhere.

Will Americans become as consumed by the fear of being wiped out in a natural disaster as we seemed to be after 9/11? It is going to be very interesting to see how this plays out. Will we declare "War on Ill-Preparedness?" We can't stop storms, quakes, volcanoes, and such from happening, but we can be prepared.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm angry - very, very angry. I dread to think what would happen should something like this happen to me. Earthquakes and volcanoes don't provide much warning so would we be able to do a better job of dealing with a disaster of this magnitude? Would someone come for Robin and I or would we be left to fend for ourselves? Would the drug addicts in my neighborhood start looting? Do the people across the street have a stockpile of food to keep their kids fed or will they be breaking down doors to find food?

Don't fall into the trap of believing that your neighborhood is somehow immune to a New Orleans style disaster because fear, hunger, and detox change people. New Orleans isn't really different -- they are Americans the same as other Americans. Clearly, this isn't a Third World phenomena and we all need to be prepared.