Heat and Sleep
Well, I went to bed a few hours ago and now I'm back up again. Unlike the title might imply, I don't know that the one has much to do with the other right now. I thought for sure my sleep would get worse when the warm weather hit, but it seems it can't get much worse no matter what happens.
Actually, about 6 - 7 hours ago was I falling asleep while watching a video. I figured that was a sign, so I tried to wrap things up for the day and head to bed. Unfortunately, it didn't go as quickly as I would have liked due to some computer issues but it's not like I got so energized that I wanted to go dancing either.
Anyway, I went off to bed and watched a video for a bit. Feeling tired again, I turned it off and tried to turn in but catching sleep must be harder for me these days than it is for an illegal alien to catch a ride north with the Border Patrol.
I don't know exactly how to describe it. One thing is it feels like my heart is beating too fast though I won't say I feel particularly stressed. At times, I guess I did since I wasn't feeling sleepy enough, but I worked on clearing my thoughts, relaxing, and getting as comfortable as possible given that I'm in pain. Finally, I know I would doze off a bit, but I was pretty much conscious. I was dreaming but it felt much more like I was awake.
Even though I know I was asleep since I was dreaming, the dreams feel as real to me as writing this does this instant. It's like it has become so difficult to just let go that I no longer can. However, I think it has much more to do with meds interfering with my ability to actually get to and maintain sleep. Until May I was on a drug which seemed to knock me out quite effectively for at least 6 hours. But that is all gone now.
I finally gave up and decided I needed to get up for a bit and do something. I decided to have a glass of wine wondering how that would make me feel since it is a depressant. I feel very tired but I don't feel sleepy. My legs ache something terrible much like they always do when I don't get enough sleep. My eyes feel dry and heavy. Actually, much of my body hurts to some degree.
I don't think I've ever quite felt this way. I remember being too stressed out about this or that that I just couldn't let myself go so that I would sleep. But now, no matter how much I try and let go, the body just doesn't want to come along for the ride. That seems to be much of the story these days.
On the subject of the heat, yes, it was too hot for me again today. Actually, 75F is about the upper limit of my comfort zone now though since dropping those drugs I don't seem to be overheating quite as badly as a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had a heavy sweat followed by severe weakness and trembling except maybe one time this week. I do feel like I'm doing better there.
The apartment is also more comfortable than I feared with the short hot spell earlier in the spring. It does seem to warm up a bit more than I'd really like but I seem to be able to control it some too. I've been opening the place up and putting on the exhaust fans between 10 - 11 pm and running them until about 8 am. The last two days I've managed to cool the place below 60F in the morning when I close things up. I've actually started closing the bedroom door at the same time and it heats up much more slowly than the main room. So the front room is running 8-10 degrees cooler than outside while the bedroom is 12-14 degrees cooler. Granted, it's not ideal for me in the afternoon, but I'm dealing with it and really wondering if I really need an air conditioner.
I've had an offer of help in that arena but part of me really would prefer to make do without. I know I am afraid that I will become dependent on it somehow and will 'need' it more than I'd like. Simply put, I don't think I can afford it - especially if I considered cooling the entire apartment. So I wondered if maybe cooling the bedroom might be the way to go, but I'm not convinced I really need it now.
First off, the hot season is pretty limited here. A bad year might have 3 months of summer, right? And to put an air conditioner in I'd pretty much lose the use of one of the windows. Considering that this place has large casement windows, that would pretty much mean losing a window for whatever part of the apartment the machine would go in. I can't imagine that would improve my ability to heat the place in the winter and I really like to be able to open the windows and let the cool, night air in -- it's the best!
I've tried to think of every possible way to do it so that I minimize the footprint of the air conditioner and maximize the use of my windows the way I want and I just can't find a solution that I'm excited about. If only they made a tiny portable air conditioner that I could store in the closet and bring out when it's simply unbearable in the bedroom...
Actually, about 6 - 7 hours ago was I falling asleep while watching a video. I figured that was a sign, so I tried to wrap things up for the day and head to bed. Unfortunately, it didn't go as quickly as I would have liked due to some computer issues but it's not like I got so energized that I wanted to go dancing either.
Anyway, I went off to bed and watched a video for a bit. Feeling tired again, I turned it off and tried to turn in but catching sleep must be harder for me these days than it is for an illegal alien to catch a ride north with the Border Patrol.
I don't know exactly how to describe it. One thing is it feels like my heart is beating too fast though I won't say I feel particularly stressed. At times, I guess I did since I wasn't feeling sleepy enough, but I worked on clearing my thoughts, relaxing, and getting as comfortable as possible given that I'm in pain. Finally, I know I would doze off a bit, but I was pretty much conscious. I was dreaming but it felt much more like I was awake.
Even though I know I was asleep since I was dreaming, the dreams feel as real to me as writing this does this instant. It's like it has become so difficult to just let go that I no longer can. However, I think it has much more to do with meds interfering with my ability to actually get to and maintain sleep. Until May I was on a drug which seemed to knock me out quite effectively for at least 6 hours. But that is all gone now.
I finally gave up and decided I needed to get up for a bit and do something. I decided to have a glass of wine wondering how that would make me feel since it is a depressant. I feel very tired but I don't feel sleepy. My legs ache something terrible much like they always do when I don't get enough sleep. My eyes feel dry and heavy. Actually, much of my body hurts to some degree.
I don't think I've ever quite felt this way. I remember being too stressed out about this or that that I just couldn't let myself go so that I would sleep. But now, no matter how much I try and let go, the body just doesn't want to come along for the ride. That seems to be much of the story these days.
On the subject of the heat, yes, it was too hot for me again today. Actually, 75F is about the upper limit of my comfort zone now though since dropping those drugs I don't seem to be overheating quite as badly as a couple of weeks ago. I haven't had a heavy sweat followed by severe weakness and trembling except maybe one time this week. I do feel like I'm doing better there.
The apartment is also more comfortable than I feared with the short hot spell earlier in the spring. It does seem to warm up a bit more than I'd really like but I seem to be able to control it some too. I've been opening the place up and putting on the exhaust fans between 10 - 11 pm and running them until about 8 am. The last two days I've managed to cool the place below 60F in the morning when I close things up. I've actually started closing the bedroom door at the same time and it heats up much more slowly than the main room. So the front room is running 8-10 degrees cooler than outside while the bedroom is 12-14 degrees cooler. Granted, it's not ideal for me in the afternoon, but I'm dealing with it and really wondering if I really need an air conditioner.
I've had an offer of help in that arena but part of me really would prefer to make do without. I know I am afraid that I will become dependent on it somehow and will 'need' it more than I'd like. Simply put, I don't think I can afford it - especially if I considered cooling the entire apartment. So I wondered if maybe cooling the bedroom might be the way to go, but I'm not convinced I really need it now.
First off, the hot season is pretty limited here. A bad year might have 3 months of summer, right? And to put an air conditioner in I'd pretty much lose the use of one of the windows. Considering that this place has large casement windows, that would pretty much mean losing a window for whatever part of the apartment the machine would go in. I can't imagine that would improve my ability to heat the place in the winter and I really like to be able to open the windows and let the cool, night air in -- it's the best!
I've tried to think of every possible way to do it so that I minimize the footprint of the air conditioner and maximize the use of my windows the way I want and I just can't find a solution that I'm excited about. If only they made a tiny portable air conditioner that I could store in the closet and bring out when it's simply unbearable in the bedroom...
posted by xj at 7:36 PM
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