Drugs and Sleep

In case that one reader is wondering if I'm smoking crack or something, the answer is no, I have never and will never smoke crack. I prefer to allow my doctor's to recommend and the Oregon Health Plan to purchase, my drugs. See, quality control is foremost importance to me and I worry about quality standards at the local crack den.

I decided I needed to sleep better last night. To that end, I took a single 15mg of temazepam wondering how that would affect my visit to dreamland. Well, I think I slept for about 2 hours right off the bat, then woke, then slept, then woke and had trouble getting back to sleep, then fell asleep but felt like I was awake, then slept some more. Finally, when my alarm went off at 1:45am I was wondering, "what the hell???"

I felt like I had finally fallen asleep and was finally sleeping when of course the alarm beeps. It literally took 45 seconds for me to figure out what was going on and I even got up and left the bedroom before taking my regular 12 hour dose of my life supporting, HIV fighting pills. UGH! I did the same thing yesterday (or was it the day before) and forgetting to take my meds is very, very bad. [I think I need a good spanking. I was very, very bad. ]

So now that I'm up and about I feel groggy, sluggish, sore, and pretty out of it. Still, I think I'm doing a much better job of writing now than when I was taking all those anti-depressants and other crap. You know, yesterday it occurred to me that I think the anti-depressants were depressing me -- I had no interest in leaving the house, I didn't want to exercise, I didn't care about losing weight, I didn't want to get out and make friends, I didn't want to explore, I didn't want to listen to music, I didn't want to play games, I didn't want to do much of anything! Well, at least that how it feels now. I feel like I have twice the desire I did before.

But that's somewhat more dangerous since I often get depressed when my body craps out long before my desire. I can't even begin to get bored since there is always so much that I'd like to do each day. I just need more energy and a lot less pain. Well, that's why I'll go to Portland next week to see the doctor.

Pain, drugs, sleep - this is my real conundrum.